Sometimes the most powerful lessons come from stumbling through life’s messiness, not from well-meaning warnings we’ll inevitably ignore.
If I could time-travel back to my 22-year-old self, there are certain pieces of wisdom I’d deliberately keep to myself. Not because they’re wrong, but because some lessons are only valuable when you discover them through your own beautiful disasters.
“Don’t Worry About What Others Think”
This is probably the most recycled piece of advice in the self-help universe, and for good reason – it’s absolutely true. But here’s why I wouldn’t tell my younger self: at 22, your entire identity is still forming. That awkward phase where you’re desperately trying to figure out who you are? It’s actually necessary.
I spent my early twenties shape-shifting like a chameleon, trying on different personalities depending on who I was with. I’d be the artsy intellectual with my college friends, the ambitious career woman at work, and the laid-back cool girl on dates. It was exhausting, sure, but it was also how I figured out which parts of myself were authentic and which were just borrowed from people I admired.
That period of following what others expected taught me to recognize when something didn’t feel right in my gut. Without those uncomfortable moments of people-pleasing, I never would have developed the skill to distinguish between my own voice and the noise around me.
Your twenties are for trying things on – careers, relationships, living situations, even entire personalities. The discomfort of caring too much about others’ opinions is actually your internal compass calibrating itself.
“You Should Have It All Figured Out By Now”
Plot twist: I definitely wouldn’t tell my 22-year-old self to have everything figured out, but I also wouldn’t reassure her that it’s okay not to know. Why? Because that panic of feeling behind, that anxiety about not having a five-year plan – it’s fuel.
The beautiful thing about your twenties is that you have fewer responsibilities, making it easier to pivot when something isn’t working. That restless energy that comes from feeling lost? It’s what drives you to take risks you’d never take at 35.
I changed my major three times, switched career paths twice, and moved cities four times before I turned 28. Each “mistake” taught me something crucial about what I didn’t want, which was just as valuable as discovering what I did want.
The pressure to have a plan creates urgency, and urgency creates action. Without that underlying anxiety about my future, I might have stayed comfortable in situations that weren’t right for me simply because they felt safe.
“Invest in Your Friendships Over Romantic Relationships”
This advice is golden, but I wouldn’t share it with my younger self because romantic heartbreak in your twenties serves a purpose. Those dramatic, all-consuming relationships that make you neglect your friends? They’re teaching you about boundaries, communication, and what you actually need from a partner.
I dated people who were completely wrong for me, ignored red flags the size of billboards, and yes, I probably hurt some friendships in the process. But each relationship failure taught me something essential about myself that no amount of well-intentioned advice could have conveyed.
Even relationship experts acknowledge that early twenties dating often leads to lessons that can’t be learned any other way. The key is that most of these mistakes are recoverable when you’re young, and real friends will forgive you for being temporarily relationship-obsessed.
“Don’t Compare Yourself to Others”
Social media makes this advice feel impossible, but here’s the secret: comparison in your twenties is actually a motivational tool, if you use it right. When I saw friends landing dream jobs or traveling the world, it didn’t just make me feel inadequate – it showed me what was possible.
The trick isn’t to stop comparing; it’s to use comparison as market research for your own life. That friend who started her own business at 24? She showed me entrepreneurship was an option. The college roommate who moved to a new city alone? She proved it was possible to start over anywhere.
Learning to say no and set boundaries often comes from watching others who seem to have mastered it. Sometimes seeing what you don’t want (through others’ experiences) is just as valuable as seeing what you do want.
“Focus on Building Your Career”
Career advice is tricky because it’s so individual. I wouldn’t tell my 22-year-old self to focus solely on climbing the corporate ladder because some of my most valuable experiences came from the “detours” – the random jobs, the creative projects that went nowhere, the volunteer work that didn’t pay.
Your twenties are for collecting experiences, not just accomplishments. That weird job at the startup that folded after six months? It taught me how to work in chaos. The year I spent working at a coffee shop while trying to write a novel? I learned more about customer service and time management than any business school could teach.
These are the years where you begin to know yourself better and start to develop your habits. Sometimes the most circuitous path leads to the most interesting destinations.
“Take Care of Your Physical Health”
This is another piece of advice that’s completely correct but would have been wasted on my 22-year-old self. At that age, you feel invincible, and honestly, that feeling serves a purpose too. It’s what allows you to stay up all night having deep conversations, to dance until sunrise, to say yes to adventures that your more cautious older self would decline.
Regular exercise and physical activity are crucial for long-term wellness, but the reckless energy of youth – the late nights, the questionable food choices, the general disregard for “optimal health practices” – creates some of the most vivid memories and strongest friendships of your life.
Your body is more resilient in your twenties than it will ever be again. While you shouldn’t completely ignore your health, that natural resilience is meant to be tested, not carefully preserved in bubble wrap.
The Real Advice I’d Give (If I Had To)
If I absolutely had to give my 22-year-old self one piece of advice, it would be this: trust your own timeline. Not everything needs to happen by 25, or 30, or any arbitrary age society decides is appropriate.
Your twenties are messy on purpose. They’re meant to be a time of trial and error, of magnificent mistakes and unexpected discoveries. The anxiety, the confusion, the feeling of being perpetually behind – it’s all part of the process.
The most successful people I know aren’t the ones who had everything figured out early. They’re the ones who learned to navigate uncertainty, who developed resilience through experiencing failure, and who discovered their authentic selves through the process of elimination.
Embracing the Beautiful Chaos
Instead of trying to avoid the typical pitfalls of your twenties, lean into them. Make friends with uncertainty. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Use this decade to experiment, to fail spectacularly, and to pick yourself up with the kind of resilience that only comes from practice.
Many women reflect on their twenties with some regrets, particularly around self-acceptance and mental wellness, but even those struggles serve a purpose in building emotional intelligence and self-awareness.
Your twenties aren’t a dress rehearsal – they’re opening night, every single day. The plot twists, the unexpected characters, the scenes that don’t go as planned – they’re not bugs in your life’s program, they’re features.
The Permission You Actually Need
Here’s the only advice I’d actually give my 22-year-old self: you have permission to not know what you’re doing. You have permission to change your mind, to pivot, to start over as many times as you need to.
You have permission to be messy, to make mistakes, to disappoint people (including yourself), and to figure it out as you go. The pressure to have everything figured out is artificial and ultimately counterproductive.
There’s no age limit on being a work in progress, but your twenties are the optimal time for experimentation because the stakes are relatively low and the opportunities for recovery are high.
Trust the Process
The most valuable things you’ll learn in your twenties can’t be taught – they have to be experienced. The resilience you’ll develop from navigating heartbreak, the confidence you’ll build from surviving failure, the self-knowledge you’ll gain from trying things that don’t work out – these are earned, not given.
So while I could tell my 22-year-old self all of this, I wouldn’t. Because the woman I became was shaped not just by the good decisions I made, but by all the messy, imperfect, beautifully human mistakes I made along the way.
Your twenties are supposed to be chaotic. Embrace the chaos. It’s building the person you’re meant to become.
The content in this article is based on personal experiences and general lifestyle observations. It is not intended as professional advice for life decisions, financial planning, or wellness practices. Individual experiences may vary, and readers should consider their own circumstances when making life choices. For personalized guidance on career, financial, or wellness matters, consult with qualified professionals in those respective fields.
